The calendar has flipped, the air is getting crisp, and the first holiday decorations are starting to appear. For many, this brings a sense of excitement. But for just as many, it brings a familiar knot in the stomach—a feeling of pressure, stress, and anxiety.
If you find the holiday season to be more overwhelming than wonderful, you are not alone. It's a time when expectations run high and our emotional and mental resources can run low.
Fortunately, we can be proactive about protecting our well-being. Drawing inspiration from the fantastic "Therapy Talk: Holiday Preparation" episode (S9, E10) of the Confessions of a Counsellor Podcast, here is a guide to help you navigate the coming weeks with more intention and self-compassion.
1. Ditch the "Perfect Holiday" Myth
The first step is to release the pressure of perfection. Social media feeds and classic movies often present a flawless version of the holidays that doesn't exist. We are going for joy, not drain.
Instead of striving for a perfect holiday, aim for a meaningful one. It's okay if the dinner is slightly burnt, if the family photo is chaotic, or if you don't make it to every single event. Focus on what truly matters to you (not your family or society but just you) and let go of the rest.
2. The Gentle Art of Setting Boundaries
Boundaries are not about shutting people out; they are about protecting your own energy so you can be present for the things that count. The holidays are a prime time to practice this skill.
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Boundary with your time: It's okay to politely decline an invitation. You don't have to do it all (I promise, you don't have to).
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Boundary with your finances: Decide on a gift and activity budget beforehand and stick to it. Your financial peace is more important than any material gift.
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Boundary with conversations: If a family member brings up a topic you find triggering or upsetting, you have the right to change the subject or physically leave the conversation. A simple, "Have you heard about [new topic]?" can work wonders.
3. Prepare for Difficult Family Dynamics
For many, the holidays mean obligatory time with relatives who can be challenging. Instead of just hoping for the best, create a simple plan.
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Identify your triggers: Know which topics or people might be difficult for you, and then practice your boundaries.
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Plan an exit strategy: If possible, drive yourself so you can leave when you feel ready. Have a friend you can text for support if things get overwhelming.
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Limit your time: You don't have to stay for hours (or go for every outing). A shorter, more peaceful visit is better than a long, draining one.
And don't forget about my favourite "big event" trick: "Excuse me, I need [a drink]/ [a snack]/ [to pee]." and then go take your break to breathe and reset.
4. Make Space for All Your Feelings
The holidays can be a painful reminder of loved ones who are no longer with us, evoke painful memories or experiences, or amplify feelings of loneliness. Society pressures us to be cheerful, but it's crucial to honour all your emotions.
Give yourself permission to feel sad, to grieve, or to not be in the festive spirit. Consider creating a new tradition to honour a lost loved one, make new memories/ reclaim painful memories, or find a quiet activity that brings you comfort instead of forced cheer.
Your Holiday Self-Care Toolkit
Being proactive means having tools ready when you start to feel overwhelmed.
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Schedule Downtime: Literally block out time in your calendar for rest. You do not have unlimited availability. Treat rest as a non-negotiable appointment.
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Stick to Routines: As much as you can, maintain your regular sleep, eating, and exercise habits. Routines are grounding when everything else feels chaotic. Remember to give yourself grace; we are not looking for perfection.
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Breathe: When you feel stress rising, take five deep, slow breaths. It's a simple but powerful way to calm your nervous system. You can always ask yourself, "What do I need to get in my window right now?"
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Get Outside: Even a short 10-minute walk can clear your head and boost your mood.
This holiday season, give yourself the gift of peace of mind. By managing expectations and prioritizing your well-being, you can navigate the festivities in a way that feels authentic and restorative for you. It doesn't have to be perfect, but it can be enjoyable.
Stay Curious
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This content is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. Engaging with this content does not create a therapist-client relationship. Please consult a qualified professional for personal health concerns.
If you are in crisis, call or text 9-8-8 or contact emergency services at 911.
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